closer to clues

I kind of lose hope sometimes, the forever lasting struggle takes a break and transformes itself to apathy and disappointment. All influences turnes me into this state of annoyance, people I kind of looked up to and kind of believed in and kind of admired for their strength to go on, when they can´t take it anymore I kind of lose ground. Is the struggle worth anything...

None of us can be a jesus, how do we keep up a fight knowing we´re gonna lose in the end, what use is there, the end would break us down. Anyway, luckily we don´t know about the end just yet.

I believed in you, I had trust and faith in you, I walked along your path and defended you, I walked till I lost all my energy and had to force myself to rest. What happened, you weren´t there for me, you accused me of ruining your life-creations and letting you down.
This has happened to me several times in life now, what am I doing wrong, how am I going to keep on moving ahead, could I have faith in anyone ever again.

Well, take a look at myself, I reveal a person having difficulties in saying "NO...", maybe I need to practise my "No-saying", and stop having such big demands on myself. But I can´t stop wondering, where do the accusations come from, mysterious ...

I read an article on one of my world-personalities whose work and activities gives me great pleasures, he says he isn´t pleased with himself, he´s haunted by an urge to do better, all the time, the things he does are never good enough for him, he wants to do something that matters. He has made a great career, made a good act, his achievement is more than enough.
He has reached out to millions of fans all over the world, he is admired and his music surely helps me and others through life and adversity.

Oh, I want to shout out loud, telling him ... cause my reflection is, if he isn´t satisfied, if the things he has done is not enough, what use is there for me to keep going, he´s achieved what others only keep in their dreams. Then, when I come to think of it, deeper, with fame follows lonelyness and probably misstrust, I have a clue what might be making him unsatisfied ... workaholics always run from something.