Now, people around me consider me as being a very social and kind of polite and entertaining person, how come, I just don´t ever feel like that, I´m always a restrained and stifled personality in meetings with others, how come! Who is right and who is wrong ...
The immediate consequence of this is naturally that I am not totally true, I only appear so. The truth is I live with a lie, as I´m not honest with my fellow beings, and that really hurts, because honesty is one thing I put up high on my list of qualities I would want to have in my capacity as person. Again, what is right and what is wrong here, who knows how I am or who I am for that matter, I don´t, and why comes embarrassment and shame everytime I´m trying ... and why are people always so fucking angry, about things that don´t matter ... beats me. ?? Personality disorder, seems to be an easy acceptance to get rid of the shame and the forever fight, and maybe to come to terms with myself. ...or is it an evasion.
To be or not to be yourownself, I admire individuals that have the strength to act totally according to their own conscience, as long as it´s not to damage for somebody of course. But what about being a damage to oneself, does that count ... The important thing must be how you are in your heart and in your head, because with the feeling of having been honest with your own conscience arrives a feeling of content, that will fill your life with a kind of happiness and maybe further on with the strength to go on in life and live it. This might be my belief.
photo Michael Levin
