Strange until the evening comes ...

I was so mad, I was truly disappointed, so tired, and I had spent too much money, far too much. We´d been searching through three big shopping-malls in the city centre, in nice company with half of our towns inhabitants, families looking for Christmasgifts, children making a hazzle everywhere...

On our way home we decided to bring some takeaway, daughter took from a restaurant serving pasta dishes, she chose one containing ham and cheese sauce. As I myself don´t want to eat meat I went to a Chinese place nearby, I hadn´t been there for quite a while, but I gave it a try. There were few vegetarian dishes on the menu, none of them seemed tasty enough, so I chose chicken with peanut-sauce, ( I´m sometimes a fake vegetarian, I eat fish and chicken now and then, providing the dish contains lots of vegetables of course) as I ordered from a Chinese restaurant it was my solid experience that there would be lots of vegetables, thus I wouldn´t be forced to eat all the chicken. :-S

As we got home we sat down at the kitchentable and opened our food boxes, was I surprised! I´d never seen anything like it my whole life as grownup woman, took me minutes to get it in to my head and come to emidiate awareness of what I actually had in front of me ... No! Not a live chicken ;-), but my dish was solely chicken slices, lots of sauce, brown as brown mud, and rice, no more no less. Not one vegetable what so ever in sight, not even a tiny bit of onion, ugh. I stared at the boxes and became totally confused and lost. 11 year old kid shoveled in her pasta, it was delicious, she said. I felt like crying.

I just couldn´t believe what kind of place that was serving dishes like that these days, extraordinary suspicious and disgracefully wretched. I felt deeply offended actually, and so disappointed, this turned personal for some reason, how could anyone expect me to eat that? Bah!
I finally made my decision, I was going to give it back. I had to do something, to calm my nerves down and to ease my disappointment, to get even. If I couldn´t have my money back so be it, I just had to give the food? ... ;-) back, it had to be this way.

So, I put my coat on, and my boots, grabbed the food-boxes and took the elevator down. I walked down town in a determined state of mind, I was going to take this shitjunk so called food back, hopefully have my money back and I was going to tell them: "This is not an adequate and healthy meal to serve, this is not nourishing enough for any human being!" ... and I did.

But it didn´t feel entirely satisfactory, I still felt sad and I wore remorse during the rest of the the evening. 11 year old daughter still believes she has a strange mother.

When looking for European synthrockers from the eighties, I found this band Yello from Switzerland, and I suddenly found myself in an incredibly frantic state of nostalgia ... ;-P . Pity I couldn´t find my favourite songs in the haste, this bacame a bit of a ruchjob, to post the video... I´ll keep on searching.

Yello - Pinball Cha Cha

NINMontreal 11.12.08

... another one I couldn´t resist :-)

This one pic I just couldn´t resist, I don´t know what´s with that guy !!! :-)


...and actually this post is for my friend who just started up his new blog on Blogger, a pleasant surprise to have you around Jari, nice! And I promise I will be indulgent with your love of cold weather .... :-).

the ark: the most radical thing to do

thoughts in darkest of November

I sit at my table, drawing in black and white, some vision I had from one of the Ghosts, prob nr 36, or maybe nr 19 ..... DeMo sings: "can you feel ... dream on", and for once it´s not a computorized sound, but guitars and voices, "Can you feel, a little love ..."

I wish I had an interest for something that could make me rise, from down here in my chair, here in my work-shop-like livingroom, where I spend most of my time, with my computer or with artworking. Yes, I should have had an interest with a movement in it, like skiing or jumping or swimming, or dancing ... I like that last one, but to find some guys company me to the Nine Inch Nails is totally impossible, so I pass that one. I might have a go with DeMo instead, perhaps more luck there ... Well, I sit at my table a picture is taking shape on my pad, it´s black and white and have some sort of steps, stairways, or it hasn´t, I heard them in a song, nr 36 or was in nr 19, memory fails, whatever. My back aches, I just sit here, too much. I wish I hadn´t all these small dots of emotions in my head, thoughts I guess they call them, I wish maybe, I was a dancer or a "fool" with wings ... cause that´s what they say it takes sometimes, to remain sane.

YouTube clip above I actually posted when thinking about a blog-acquaintance I have, I hope it will be of some interest to her. Could give a good laugh to watch young Swedish rockstars when you´re used to the rough Americans, good laughs are good and needed, aren´t they. Take care Justmerimaat, and keep in flux.

Strange move ... ment

It was strange, I never set the alarm, I decided to to rise as usual.

I woke up! At about 4.30 am I woke up, the clock had silence in my bedroom, still I was immediately anxiuos to hear about the results from the presidental election. Wow ....
I sat down in front of the TV and it was on in three different Swedish channels, so called competent reporters and other people discussed this, maybe, so called historical event. About 5.10 am lokal time the final result was presented, Obama was clearly the winner. I thought about waiting for his speech but I was really tired, so I went back to sleep.

My alarm got of at 7 am, I got up, shoke my daughter awake, and put the TV on again. This time I was really moved, tears fell down my cheek, this is so great! Let´s just hope he will have the guts to do all these things he believes in, at least most of them. We already have hopes for a better world, and Barack Obama has a heavy commision, the world is demanding, the Americans are demanding. I wish him good luck, he´ll need it.

Perspective

It´s interesting to see, how we all have different perspective, due to our needs, our situations and our health, what´s even more important, due to tradition.
I laugh sometimes when I see words, words look funny and are amusing to pronounce, as long as they have no meaning, to me, some words have meaning and others don´t, as I saw the english word sloppy and learned it meant something kind of unpleasant ... to me it looks like something nice, you know, puppy, poppy or happy, or maybe slippery or slope. :-) To me they are just letters creating words ... creating sense to things. To an english thinker, the visual experience I have is probably none existing, ´cause the words have to much of a sense of context, that may conceal the vision, the free vision without valuation. Once I read recurring ailment, to me that looks like something spicy coming from an alien ;-), well, I know the correct meaning, never the less, it´s sometimes fun to try and look upon matters with a free thought, to find new experiences.

I listened to an American lady in Washinton DC, she was a republican and attended in an intervju with a Swedish reporter. She said, "Sen.Obama, he´s a socialist, he´s bad, but as you´re Swedish you´d probably like him". To me, as a Swedish citizen, I just don´t get her at all, to me Sen.Obama is a very conservative man, he´s way too far to the right than any of our most conservative politicians in Sweden. And, Sweden is certainly not a socialist country, at least to me it isn´t, I work for a socialist party and we are in a clear minority and get a lot of crap talk aginst us. See, it has to do with perspectives.

We all follow the elections in USA, at the moment, I haven´t yet decided wether I´ll use the alarm-clock tonight and find out about the result in time, or if I´ll just rest in peace until morning and find myself waking up in an other world, together with the avarage Swedish citizens. My friends are already bored with this serial, it has been in my blog since springtime this year, but I believe the outcome is very important to the whole world, USA is a big and powerful nation, I can´t but hope the Amercian citizens are a bit aware of that, they have the power ... we have not.

Meetings at fall

photo: Karin Bussy Broman

I met you out there, and the sun was actually up and the trees were in numerous colours and just bright. I hadn´t seen you for a while, neither in real reality nor on the internet, you seemed more fragile than I´d remembered and though I´d sat down on a park bench you resolute forced me on my feet to an embrace.

If you read this, you´ll probably remember the moment, and I don´t mind, it´s strange now, how your appearance go straight to the emotional spot somewhere inside of me and stays there, evolving itself into a stubborn feeling of despair.

What is it that surrounds you that needs to burst out in the air but remains somewhere in between, never having the guts to let go, it glows like invisible radiation, but I sense it, only too severe.

You are swirling around in transcripted light, to keep the stir in your head just a stir. Because the truth is too fearful and so appalling, thrusts through your bones like acid could do, on the tip of the arrow, follows you like appearences of vicious ghosts. Once you put things in order there will be room for the intangible, better keep it going and hope for the gusts of evil to find another path to stroll.

I might be wrong here, of course, this is only in my head, but as it comes along everytime your energies mix with mine, and I can´t but believe, you long for something, and it surely isn´t me.

just a reminder ...

follow-up to previous post

... the winner is Jean-Marie Gustave Le Clézio. He was born in 1940 in Nice and has written books like "the African", "Desert" and "Révolutions". I´m sorry to say I didn´t know him, but he seems to be well known among readers.

"-at last!!"

It seems octopuses are interesting nowadays, Swedish television has a documentary on thursday evening in SVT1, at 20.00. The octopus is the most intelligent of all invertebrated animals, it says on the SVT webbsite, and there are ten different species along the Swedish west coast.
Maybe our newly started non-profit association, called the Octopus, is this city´s most intelligent one. :-)


These days also the Swedish Nobel Academy is about to announce this year´s winner in the category of litterature, there´s always a great stir and a lot of tension around that. Serious discussions in media, and spectacular betting in cultural circles. This year´s favourites are Claudio Magris, Joyce Carol Oates, Philip Roth, Amos Oz, Adonis, Ko Un among others. In swedish papers you´re able to put a vote, most voters though, believe in "somebody else", shows how hard it is to make a guess, and how the betters could make money when lucky ... We´ll hear all about the winner tomorrow on the 9th of October at 13.00., when the forever lasting and incessant secretary Horace steps out in the hall. Surpise! and .... "-at last!"

Seed

This picture is titled "Seed", it´s actually an acorn, painted with oilpastell crayons.
The painting was showed in the exhibition I attended together with Korean artist Yeon Hee Lee in spring 2007. It was thereby sold to two friends of mine.

Contradictory

TV-discussion between two women in the peak of their lives, both in prosperous familysituations, both with jobs and both with nice husbands. The task is wether the family is a good constellation to live in, is it the ultimate dream?

Lady to the left, in picture, tries to emphasize the obvious risks there are for a woman, to live in such a secretive social form as with only two adults, one man one woman. Through history people have lived in bigger groups, the familycircle contained all kinds of siblings, aunts, oncles and cousins. Today, in our country, the family could, with bad luck, become a social trap, and in most cases it becomes to disadvantage for the woman in the relationship, regarding she gets difficulties to suceed in career and her opportunities to work for a good income to be able to support herself are being reduced. Statistics say that the male often finds himself with a higher income when he becomes a father, the woman, on the other hand, finds herself with a lower, mysterious. Seems society wants to great the father but doesn´t care much about the mother. And these are statistic facts.

Lady to the right, in picture, claims that the family, that is, man and woman and some two or three kids, is what everyone, especially women, should strive for, it´s by all means the best way of living. Society problems in general are not relevant here in this debate, she says, in small families the woman always has the whole and complete power, she´s the one managing the home and household, she´s the one who takes care of and educates the children and she´s the one making all decisions concerning most things about the family. The man has nothing or little to say in such a constellation, nowhere else woman has such opportunities to hold power as in the family situation.

The possibilty of these to opponents to agree to some extent, was obviously very poor. What sort of thread would be appropriate to dabate here, where are the actual problems and disagreements worth talking about, and how come these two women are in such a sharp contradiction to eachother? I ask myself, and that´s what the media ought to aks itself too.

This was a TV show, and it dejected me.